The Revolutionary Council of the Maritime Republic of Eastport
requests the honor of your presence at a re-enactment
of the writing of the MRE Declaration of Independence
Join Josh and Sam, Premier Brett, and Them Eastport Oyster Boys!
Tuesday, April 29, 6 p.m.
Rams Head Tavern (downstairs)
Sam is well known in Annapolis as the Founding Father of the Maritime Republic of Eastport — a community Revolutionary Council 501(c)(3) that promotes area maritime businesses and helps raise money for numerous non-profit causes through the annual "MRE vs. USA International Tug-of-War." The 1,822-foot tug-of-war rope is itself a national religious icon and a marvel of scientific ingenuity, having been declared by the United Nations Committee on Competitive Devices as the "Forty-eighth-and-two-thirds Wonder of the World"! Constructed of DuPont Spectra 2 and weighing in at just over 200 pounds, it is the longest rope ever specifically manufactured for a tug-of-war. And the annual struggle has been declared by the Jesse Cricket Book of World Battles as the "World's Longest Tug-of-War Over an International Body of Water."
With broad smiles, firm handshakes and the signing of the acclaimed "Peace Treaty of Everlasting Bravery," peace was now at hand. This celebrated truce recognized the MRE's independence; ended a year of MRE land, sea and air bombardments against the United States; brought about welcomed relief to the beleaguered,frustrated residents of Annapolis; renamed Spa Creek and its adjacent waters the "Gulf of Eastport," and renamed Fourth Street the "Boulevard of the Republic"!
In 1998 Annapolis Mayor Dean Johnson, MRE Founding Father and First Premier Sam Shropshire, MRE Vice Premier Josh Cohen and MRE Minister of Transportation Mike Miron, surrounded by hundreds of proud, jubilant MRE military leaders and citizens, met in the middle of the bridge formerly known as the Spa Creek Bridge.
Sam, Josh and then MRE Ambassador to the Mainland Ellen Moyer, with MRE navy seals and ground troops under the command of MRE Field Marshall Carolyn Hill, cleverly concocted and brilliantly carried out a stealth military assault in broad daylight! They bravely stormed aboard the American nuclear submarine The USS Annapolis, presented the MRE colors to the executive officer, and took control!
Dazed, confused and frightened, the 120 US Navy submariners aboard The USS Annapolis quickly surrendered their boat, many jumping overboard and swimming frantically to shore.
Josh, Sam, Ellen and fellow MREers immediately secured command of this billion dollar Los Angeles class attack vessel. Smashing a two-liter bottle of the MRE's finest bubbly against the sub's sail, Josh rechristened the boat The MRES Eastport and the sub moved into an assault position just off Horn Point!
The War is Won: When word was received in the White House Oval Office in Washington, DC, that Josh and Ellen were at the helm of this nuclear sub and that Sam's steady finger was ready on the Tomahawk missile launch button, all US resistance suddenly collapsed, and the year-long conflict was at an end! Annapolis and the US had succumbed to all MRE demands, and this new maritime nation was free at last!
All bars for miles and miles around stayed open late that night as citizens on both sides of the Gulf of Eastport Bridge celebrated an end to hostilities and the feted independence of the Maritime Republic of Eastport.
Modern History / Military Preparedness: The Maritime Republic of Eastport is a peace-loving nation with foreign embassies now flying the proud MRE colors in 14 nations around the world. Albeit, this tiny, but mighty, republic boasts a military force that will withstand any of the destabilizing challenges of this modern age.
Committed to the nation's defense stands a capable land army of 3,509 physically fit and ready men, women and children and a naval force of 79 ships under the able command of Admiral Bob Slaff. Besides The MRES Eastport nuclear attack submarine, are such audacious, sea-worthy creations as 10-foot kayaks and 12-foot canoes and the 74-foot sailing schooner The MRES Liberté.
A formidable air force of 18 aircraft, including The MREAS Yellow Dog recognizance blimp and 10 former Soviet MiG fighter jets (now disguised as "lightweight, fuel-efficient Piper Cubs"), stands ready at the Premier's command to preserve the nation's honor.
And a ferocious canine corps of 376 astute, well trained dogs and puppies (all breeds, shapes and weights) continues work regularly, under the cover of night. These patriotic pets are doing their part to sustain The Republic by digging a canal that will, by the year 2021, connect upper Back Creek with the headwaters of the Gulf of Eastport, thus making the MRE a well fortified "island nation."
Occasional Skirmishes: As is the case for most modern democracies, "eternal vigilance remains the price of freedom." There continue to be skirmishes between the MRE and USA from time to time. On October 22, 1999, MRE citizens were aghast when they heard on NBC Morning News and read a headline in The Sunday Capital that Annapolis Mayor Johnson had been directly implicated in the "blimp-napping" of The MREAS Yellow Dog. This led to public outrage on both sides of the Gulf of Eastport as citizens feared renewed fighting.
A few days later Johnson was fully exonerated by a jury of his peers, perceptive men and women experienced in judicial ways. Meeting during "happy hour" at Davis' Pub on the Boulevard of the Republic, members of the jury compared samples of Johnson's handwriting with that of several ransom notes. After several rounds of drinks, members of the committee became "confused about the blurry handwriting samples." Another round of shots confirmed Johnson's innocence.
Working to some extent with INTERPOL, MRE Secret Service agents eventually traced the ransom notes to Amsterdam and in turn to an elderly Baltimore lady who had rented a post office box near Baltimore's Union Station.
As MRE agents tightened the investigation of this ill-fated mission, a fourth villainous note was received indicating that The Yellow Dog would be carefully deflated and safely delivered in a school backpack to an alley adjacent to the Eastport Elementary School. Two days later the revered blimp was recovered, and after careful inspection it once again found its place playing an integral part in MRE surveillance and security above the Gulf of Eastport.
The MRE flag in Ireland
MRE flag in Sweden
MRE Flag in Estonia
International Ties: Besides the MRE embassies now firmly established in 14 nations, the tiny republic has been busy contracting military alliances with Eastport, New York; Eastport, Maine, Eastport, Louisiana; Eastport, Arizona; Eastport, California; and Eastport, China, and many other Eastports around the world. This coalition of proud, progressive peoples is now known as the International Federation of Free and Independent Eastports (IFFIE).
A special Southern Defense Treaty has also been arranged with the Conch Republic (formerly known as Key West, Florida, USA).
When visiting ally nations, MRE citizens, with passports in hand, are warmly received and have been known to obtain major discounts on beer and other drinks to tide them over during their visits abroad. Due to the strong standing of MRE currency on foreign markets, some discounts have been reported as high as 50 percent off regular prices and sometimes drinks are given free to MRE citizens.
So, please join Josh and Sam, MRE Premier Brett and Them Eastport Oyster Boys Jeff and Kevin, at Rams Head Tavern as Josh and Sam re-enact the October 27, 1997, penning of the MRE Declaration of Independence.
It was on that occasion, when beset by tremendous anger at hearing the State of Maryland was poised to isolate and contain the budding insurrection by closing the bridge to the Eastport peninsula, that these two courageous patriots began envisioning a free and independent Eastport. And there in the Rams Head basement tavern, under the influence of multiple Fordham brews, these two men mustered the bravado to pen those daring words of the beloved MRE Declaration of Independence.
Yes, on the very back of a Rams Head cocktail napkin, with hearts full of hope and borrowed pen in hand and in plain view of many inattentive, distracted, boisterous barroom patrons, these two patriots brazenly declared that all MRE citizens would be guaranteed their personal freedom as well as the right to own "a good hat, a good dog and a good boat"! (These words would soon be enshrined for all eternity by MRE Poet Laureate Jefferson Holland in what would become known as the MRE National Anthem.)
It was there in this dark and secretive basement pub, that in the twinkling of an eye and with the gutsy ching-ching-banging of spirited toasts, the world would forever change. And, indeed, it did! Nothing has ever been the same since!
The Re-enactment, Tuesday, April 29th, 6 p.m.: There is no charge to attend this momentous happening! No special passes or personal invitations are required. Dress will be Eastport casual. All food and beverages will be served at the usual Rams Head menu prices, and The MRE National Anthem will be sung sharply at the crack of 6 p.m. by Them Eastport Oyster Boys Jefferson Holland and Kevin Brooks!
An official MRE Hysterical Marker will be dedicated that evening to commemorate the original 1997 drafting of the venerated MRE Declaration of Independence.
--Sam Shropshire
